Got this idea from http://galadarling.com/, my self-love guru. So every Thursday I'm going to make a list of things that are making me happy or that I particularly love that week :] If I'm ever feeling low, I'll just look at my latest list and decide to focus on all the things I love about life!
Here we go!
1. SUMMER!
2. Family (I just had a ton in town for my graduation, which brings me to the next thing I love)
3. No longer being a high school student!!!
4. Waking up from bad dreams: I just had a horrible one last night and there's no greater feeling than waking up a realizing it isn't real
5. Sorry to get all cheesy on you but, my boyfriend C :]
6. Planning my road trip with my best friends J, A and S!! :DDDD
7. Being lazy
8. Working out and eating healthy (I feel amazing ALL the time!)
9. Conversely, those little mini diet coke cans. My big sister A was here this weekend and showed me how she squeezes a little lime into them. So good!
10. My dogs :]
11. Darren Criss.
12. Darren Criss.
13. Summer hats
14. New clothes :D
15. Pictures of Darren Criss shirtless
16. Cleaning out my closet and finding adorable clothes I totally forgot about
17. Laying out by the pool
18. Art projects
19. Not putting on makeup
20. Darren Criss
All righty, there's my list :] Remember to always be grateful and try to come up with your own list!
xxo taylor
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
I'm a Feeler
So, this evening, I went to my High School's recognition ceremony where everyone gets awards for being absolutely amazing as all my friends are :] Unfortunately, many people are underrepresented and over looked at things like these, and, not to sound full of myself, but I am one of those people. I also feel that my friends E and C and S and K and A and M and many others are also overlooked. Before you go on, you should read E's post
http://eandpguidetolife.tumblr.com/post/21577641127/on-dots-and-stars
about how to base merit and how to view yourself. I keep reminded myself of the dots and stars story, but I'm not nearly as amazing as E is and I'm more self conscious than I like to admit so most of the time I'm walking around clinging to the few stars I have and trying to ignore the many dots burdening me. Anyway. This particular evening, I spent hours trying to find something to wear because it's one of those days where you don't feel pretty in anything, and end up with thousands of dresses forming a threatening mountain on your bed and a screaming fight with your mother. Then, I was already a bit bitter because, and now I'm letting myself gloat, I have spent SO MUCH of my time these past four years bettering my high school by being over involved in student council, coming to all the meetings, being Student Body Treasurer this year, and I have never gotten a lick of appreciation recognition. I've never been Teen of the Month, I've never been Who's Who and I sure as hell wasn't nominated for All Westerner. Even though I've done more for that school than the majority of the class. I know it sounds incredibly petty, and deep down I understand that I am not what some middle aged high school administrators think of me, but it would have been nice to have been recognized with more than just a certificate that says Student Body Treasurer. Like, some scholarship money that comes with those awards would have been nice. Anyway, so now you know all that was going on inside my head. Well. Then Mr. W, the Student Body sponsor and Assistant Principle of Activities at my school, who's office, I might add, I have been in at least three times a week this entire school year for a minimum of thirty minutes each time. I know the guy. Well, he got up and was opening the ceremony and thanking all the Student Body officers and forgot my name. Yes yes. He went through "J & G, Student Body Co-Presidents, K, Student Body VP, S, Student Body Secretary and- oh gosh I'm drawing a blank here I feel like Rick Perry." Then someone yelled "Taylor!" and everyone laughed, and I did too, because it was a good save. But god fucking dammit, wasn't that just the cherry on top of a lovely evening?
I really do understand that it was an honest mistake, and I'm not mad at the guy at all, I know there was nothing malicious about it, but it still makes me feel shitty about myself. Anyway, the whole reason I'm even writing this post in the first place is because I couldn't vent to my dad about it. I'm the kind of person who has to just get all my feelings out before I can get over it. Sometimes it sucks, but it's just how I'm wired. So I came home from getting froyo with my friends after the ceremony and my dad asked me how I was, because he was there and saw it and everything. And I say shitty and he starts just ripping me a new one. Going on about how I have a great life and he'd be a shitty father if he let me wallow in self-pity, that Smiths (that's not our last name, but I gotta make sure no creepy serial killer rapists get me) don't let this shit bother them yada yada yada. So I start yelling about how I'm not like him, I can't just not give a shit about what people do, I wish I could but I can't and he just needs to let me talk it for two seconds and I'll be fine but apparently, the Smiths aren't understanding either so I'll just have to go talk to someone else! Then I stalked off to my room, slammed the door and here I am. I get it. My dad grew up in an impoverished family with six kids and an alcoholic, abusive father and an unhealthily codependent mother. He pretty much moved out of the house at fifteen and then hitch hiked from Texas to New York to California and didn't go to college till he was thirty and had to pay his own way through. He didn't survive that shit by caring if an administrator forgot his name. But he has to understand that I'm different. I want people to acknowledge the work and effort I've put out there. And he also needs to realize that I'm only 18 years old and still figuring out who I am and people forgetting my name isn't the best self esteem booster. Yes. I am trying to be better. Trying to not care about other people so much, and I'm trying to change. But I can't help how I react to things and how they make me feel. And him yelling at me about it only makes me hate that aspect of me more, and aspect that I try to love because I think it's kind and genuine to care and feel.
I think I need to stop myself here or I'm just going to start rehashing every fight my father and I ever had and then end up writing my memoir. Good night loves. Stay positive (I feel hypocritical saying that after this post) Love yourself.
xxo taylor
ps. P got the All Westerner award and she SO DESERVED IT!!!!! Oh my God I was so so excited when they called her name, I wanted to jump up into the air but instead I just whooped really loudly along with M, J and A. She is amazing :]
http://eandpguidetolife.tumblr.com/post/21577641127/on-dots-and-stars
about how to base merit and how to view yourself. I keep reminded myself of the dots and stars story, but I'm not nearly as amazing as E is and I'm more self conscious than I like to admit so most of the time I'm walking around clinging to the few stars I have and trying to ignore the many dots burdening me. Anyway. This particular evening, I spent hours trying to find something to wear because it's one of those days where you don't feel pretty in anything, and end up with thousands of dresses forming a threatening mountain on your bed and a screaming fight with your mother. Then, I was already a bit bitter because, and now I'm letting myself gloat, I have spent SO MUCH of my time these past four years bettering my high school by being over involved in student council, coming to all the meetings, being Student Body Treasurer this year, and I have never gotten a lick of appreciation recognition. I've never been Teen of the Month, I've never been Who's Who and I sure as hell wasn't nominated for All Westerner. Even though I've done more for that school than the majority of the class. I know it sounds incredibly petty, and deep down I understand that I am not what some middle aged high school administrators think of me, but it would have been nice to have been recognized with more than just a certificate that says Student Body Treasurer. Like, some scholarship money that comes with those awards would have been nice. Anyway, so now you know all that was going on inside my head. Well. Then Mr. W, the Student Body sponsor and Assistant Principle of Activities at my school, who's office, I might add, I have been in at least three times a week this entire school year for a minimum of thirty minutes each time. I know the guy. Well, he got up and was opening the ceremony and thanking all the Student Body officers and forgot my name. Yes yes. He went through "J & G, Student Body Co-Presidents, K, Student Body VP, S, Student Body Secretary and- oh gosh I'm drawing a blank here I feel like Rick Perry." Then someone yelled "Taylor!" and everyone laughed, and I did too, because it was a good save. But god fucking dammit, wasn't that just the cherry on top of a lovely evening?
I really do understand that it was an honest mistake, and I'm not mad at the guy at all, I know there was nothing malicious about it, but it still makes me feel shitty about myself. Anyway, the whole reason I'm even writing this post in the first place is because I couldn't vent to my dad about it. I'm the kind of person who has to just get all my feelings out before I can get over it. Sometimes it sucks, but it's just how I'm wired. So I came home from getting froyo with my friends after the ceremony and my dad asked me how I was, because he was there and saw it and everything. And I say shitty and he starts just ripping me a new one. Going on about how I have a great life and he'd be a shitty father if he let me wallow in self-pity, that Smiths (that's not our last name, but I gotta make sure no creepy serial killer rapists get me) don't let this shit bother them yada yada yada. So I start yelling about how I'm not like him, I can't just not give a shit about what people do, I wish I could but I can't and he just needs to let me talk it for two seconds and I'll be fine but apparently, the Smiths aren't understanding either so I'll just have to go talk to someone else! Then I stalked off to my room, slammed the door and here I am. I get it. My dad grew up in an impoverished family with six kids and an alcoholic, abusive father and an unhealthily codependent mother. He pretty much moved out of the house at fifteen and then hitch hiked from Texas to New York to California and didn't go to college till he was thirty and had to pay his own way through. He didn't survive that shit by caring if an administrator forgot his name. But he has to understand that I'm different. I want people to acknowledge the work and effort I've put out there. And he also needs to realize that I'm only 18 years old and still figuring out who I am and people forgetting my name isn't the best self esteem booster. Yes. I am trying to be better. Trying to not care about other people so much, and I'm trying to change. But I can't help how I react to things and how they make me feel. And him yelling at me about it only makes me hate that aspect of me more, and aspect that I try to love because I think it's kind and genuine to care and feel.
I think I need to stop myself here or I'm just going to start rehashing every fight my father and I ever had and then end up writing my memoir. Good night loves. Stay positive (I feel hypocritical saying that after this post) Love yourself.
xxo taylor
ps. P got the All Westerner award and she SO DESERVED IT!!!!! Oh my God I was so so excited when they called her name, I wanted to jump up into the air but instead I just whooped really loudly along with M, J and A. She is amazing :]
Friday, April 27, 2012
And Now For Something Entirely Irrelevant!
I've decided to create a new segment devoted to completely irrelevant things that pretty much no one but myself will care about :] Today's Irrelevant post is about Alicia Silverstone. If you've never seen the movie Clueless, then, first, shame on you and second, you have not lived. Not many people appreciate the greatness that is this movie, but I can quote the entire thing and learned many life lessons from it. Anyway! Alicia Silverstone plays Cher, who represents Emma from Jane Austen's novel, Emma. In it, this actor Jeremy Sisto plays a guy named Elton, obviously representing Mr. Elton who's in love with Emma in the novel. Anyway, all of this is just a back story. Jeremy Sisto is now in a new tv show called Suburgatory about a single dad and his hipster, activist, teenage daughter who move from New York city to a suburb and their life adjusting to it. It's not the most smartly written or funniest thing on tv, but I like it. So, I was watching a few nights ago George, Jeremy Sisto's character, has a new love interest named Eden. She looked familiar and once she started talking I realized THAT'S ALICIA SILVERSTONE!!!!! DDDD: I fuh-reaked out! My mind was totally blown! I mean, here are these two actors who were in a movie together like, 20 years ago or something and now they're playing love interests!! I dunno. I thought it was pretty damn amazing. Anyway, I was just so thrilled and couldn't think of anyone who would even remotely care about this as much as I do, so I decided to blog about it :] Hope y'all had a glorious last full week of April and have an even more glorious weekend! Prom is tomorrow, so you know there'll be a post about my fab outfit and even more (redundancy) time :D
xxo taylor
xxo taylor
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Daddy's Girl
Two posts in one night?!! I've gotta make up for lost time here :] So today in my english class we had something my glorious and wonderful teacher Mrs. Wickersham calls Polonius day. In Shakespeare's Hamlet, Polonius gives advice to his son Laertes before he sets out on a journey, and it's pretty good advice. So Mrs. Wickersham wrote letters to all of our parents and asked for them to write each of us letters with their own advice since we're all about to go off to college. Isn't she marvelous? (She also gave us her own list of good advice :]) Needless to say, there were many tears and much sharing and it was an all around fabulous day. I really would like to share the letter my father wrote me because it was so beautiful and spoke to me so deeply. (my mother's did as well, but maybe that'll be in another post :] ) So! Here are some experts from my letter from my father that most spoke to me.
My Dearest Taylor Kaye:
...Your Emotional Quotient is high... You can get lost in the weight of human suffering- don't do that. Share joy and comfort sorrow; but, be kindest to yourself.
...Pray for safety, pray for happiness, pray for health and pray for the ability to live your life with ease. Pray these things for yourself first, then for those you love, then for those you like and finally and most importantly, for your perceive enemies. It works.
Strive for Enlightenment. ... Never settle. I didn't and look what I got- the woman of my dreams and a family that brings me joy every day.
Love you,
Daddy.
Phew! I got teary eyed again just typing those parts up! My father and I have an amazingly close relationship. Actually, I'm very close with both my parents. But my dad understands my struggle with emotion more than my mom does because he's who I get it from. When I say struggle with emotion I mean that I feel things very deeply. Not just my own emotions but for other people as well. If you've ever read Secret Life of Bees then you'll remember the character of May. The twin who is no longer a twin because her sister died, who gets emotional over a squashed cockroach. I am much like May, though to a lesser extent because I am not a literary figure. My daddy and I often have talks about how to deal with my potent emotions and his recently turning to Buddhism has really helped me to find inner peace and acceptance of who I am. He and my mother have raised me incredibly well and I am a little terrified to leave them, but know that they have prepared me accordingly for the world. I would be no where near the same person I am today without their guidance and ever-present, unconditional love. I will forever be grateful for the person they have helped mold me into and hope I can continue to make them proud with my life decisions. This was kind of a random post but I was feeling like reminiscing so I took advantage of my blog :] Good night and sweet dreams! Go hug your parents.
xxo taylor
My Dearest Taylor Kaye:
...Your Emotional Quotient is high... You can get lost in the weight of human suffering- don't do that. Share joy and comfort sorrow; but, be kindest to yourself.
...Pray for safety, pray for happiness, pray for health and pray for the ability to live your life with ease. Pray these things for yourself first, then for those you love, then for those you like and finally and most importantly, for your perceive enemies. It works.
Strive for Enlightenment. ... Never settle. I didn't and look what I got- the woman of my dreams and a family that brings me joy every day.
Love you,
Daddy.
Phew! I got teary eyed again just typing those parts up! My father and I have an amazingly close relationship. Actually, I'm very close with both my parents. But my dad understands my struggle with emotion more than my mom does because he's who I get it from. When I say struggle with emotion I mean that I feel things very deeply. Not just my own emotions but for other people as well. If you've ever read Secret Life of Bees then you'll remember the character of May. The twin who is no longer a twin because her sister died, who gets emotional over a squashed cockroach. I am much like May, though to a lesser extent because I am not a literary figure. My daddy and I often have talks about how to deal with my potent emotions and his recently turning to Buddhism has really helped me to find inner peace and acceptance of who I am. He and my mother have raised me incredibly well and I am a little terrified to leave them, but know that they have prepared me accordingly for the world. I would be no where near the same person I am today without their guidance and ever-present, unconditional love. I will forever be grateful for the person they have helped mold me into and hope I can continue to make them proud with my life decisions. This was kind of a random post but I was feeling like reminiscing so I took advantage of my blog :] Good night and sweet dreams! Go hug your parents.
xxo taylor
Compassion
Monday, April 16, 2012
I Work Out
Here we go! This is my new and improved plan to have my body show off my inner, beautiful, sexy self. I think it will definitely help for me to post this for God and everyone to see, because I'll probably stick to it better if I know I've bragged about it on the internet :] All righty. I'll start off with food, which I'm going to be much more lenient on... let's be real, it's summer, imma be chowing down on BBQ and froyo. I am only human!!
Eating Habits:
No more than two desserts a week.
In-between-meal snacks must be healthy. i.e. fruit, veggies, fruit/veggies smoothies. etc :]
Work Out Plan:
Stretch every morning!!
Every other day:
Run using Couch to 5K app (GET IT!!) to work up stamina
On non running days- Butt workout app (that's what it's called...)
Every day:
Abs:
30 Crunches
30 Up Twists
30 Butterfly Crunches
30 Throwdowns
30 Cross Overs
Legs:
30 Lunges per leg
30 Leg raises per leg
30 Ballet Bounces
Arms:
5 lb weights
Also, every Saturday I'm going to focus on something.
First Saturday- Arms
2nd Sat.- Legs
3rd- Stomach
4th- Butt
Annndddddd
Every month I'm going to take on a 20-30 day challenge
:D
Phew.
Too much?
I don't think so :]
Of course, my body is used to working out, not intensely but I have worked out on and off for about a year now. If you're just now starting, be sure to pace yourself. And remember, it took more than a meal to gain it, it'll take more than one round of work outs to lose it :]
Some tips:
Drink tons of water! It's good for you metabolism
There are tons of work out challenges and food tips online, especially pinterest (that's where I got all my stuff :])
Stop saying "I'm gonna look like her when I'm done working out" no. you're going to look like you. Beautiful as always, just a little trimmer and healthier :]
Good luck to you if you're going on this beach bod journey with me! Remember to indulge every once in a while ;] much love!!
xxo taylor
Eating Habits:
No more than two desserts a week.
In-between-meal snacks must be healthy. i.e. fruit, veggies, fruit/veggies smoothies. etc :]
Work Out Plan:
Stretch every morning!!
Every other day:
Run using Couch to 5K app (GET IT!!) to work up stamina
On non running days- Butt workout app (that's what it's called...)
Every day:
Abs:
30 Crunches
30 Up Twists
30 Butterfly Crunches
30 Throwdowns
30 Cross Overs
Legs:
30 Lunges per leg
30 Leg raises per leg
30 Ballet Bounces
Arms:
5 lb weights
Also, every Saturday I'm going to focus on something.
First Saturday- Arms
2nd Sat.- Legs
3rd- Stomach
4th- Butt
Annndddddd
Every month I'm going to take on a 20-30 day challenge
:D
Phew.
Too much?
I don't think so :]
Of course, my body is used to working out, not intensely but I have worked out on and off for about a year now. If you're just now starting, be sure to pace yourself. And remember, it took more than a meal to gain it, it'll take more than one round of work outs to lose it :]
Some tips:
Drink tons of water! It's good for you metabolism
There are tons of work out challenges and food tips online, especially pinterest (that's where I got all my stuff :])
Stop saying "I'm gonna look like her when I'm done working out" no. you're going to look like you. Beautiful as always, just a little trimmer and healthier :]
Good luck to you if you're going on this beach bod journey with me! Remember to indulge every once in a while ;] much love!!
xxo taylor
Apologies, apologies.
Well! It's finally time to dust off the cobwebs from this here blog. To my (one...two?) readers, I am so so sorry it's been so long. Even though I'm sure your lives have been going on fine without my random musings. So! In Texas, we usually skip over spring and head right into summer, so my first post (after this one...) will be my new workout/eating healthy plan so I can look extra hot in my new bikinis ;] Of course of course, looks aren't everything and I am a strong, beautiful woman no matter my size. But goddam it's nice to make boys do a double take on the beach, am I right? Well, I better get started on this new plan :]
xxo taylor
xxo taylor
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