So, as you know, I am currently in the beginnings of my self-love journey. It's been hard starting off and I'll admit I've been neglecting it since I've been so busy. But this next weekend I plan on buying myself a journal, getting a totem and really starting in on this bad boy! Mostly, my journey so far has been a lot of blogging and reading other blogs and discussing things with my girl friends, who give me strength every single day. I've discovered, however, that there are a lot of blogs and sayings and articles and videos and what have you about self-love and awakening of middle-aged women. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's fantastic for a woman to find empowerment at any age, but it's not very relatable for me, considering I'm 17 and in high school and don't have kids or a husband. It also got me to thinking, and I asked myself why women have to wake up and smell the self-love in the middle of their lives? Why can't that be a major part of our growing up; learning to love yourself in order to love others better. So! Tonight I am posting a self-love post for girls my age. Teenagers who also happen to be the most angsty human beings in existence, just go look at tumblr. So I understand that this will be a hard feat. Teenage girls have a lot more, I think, to overcome on their self-love journeys than middle-aged women do. First off, we have very little control over our own lives as it is, what with teachers and parents and every other adult constantly telling you what to do, where to go to college, what to major, who to date, what to wear, how to look, the list goes on and on. Then we have our peers. I happen to be extremely lucky in that I go to a school where cliques don't exist and theirs not some horrible popular girl storming around making everybody's lives hell. I also have an amazing group of friends where we all try to hold each other up. But I understand that there are some schools where Mean Girls could have been a documentary of a regular school day. It's hard to have self-confidence and feel empowered when you have Regina starting rumors that you're a lesbian and stealing your crush just to see you suffer. But I sincerely hope this blogs helps anyone who happens to stumble upon it. So, here I go! A short list of ways to remind yourself that you are all you need in this world. That other people, although still human beings and therefore to be treated with kindness and compassion and love, are not to be counted on for your own self worth. I fully expect to add more things to this list as I continue on my journey, and I hope it helps you on your own :] Also, I will be practicing this list every day along with you! So know you have a partner in this endevor :]
1. Morning Routine
Every morning, before you leave the house, recite your mantra. It doesn't have to be long and dramatic and cliche. It can just be "I love you, Taylor." (obviously insert your name, unless you really just love me that much ;] ) or "You are truly beautiful." I would say this needs to be hard to say at first, because that means it's something you need healing over. You'll feel silly at first, maybe conceited, but who the hell cares! You're all alone in your bedroom and eventually you will start to know that what you're saying is true. Personally, my mantra is "I love you, Taylor. You are more than enough."
2. Stay Healthy
Now, I am completely guilty of snacking in between meals and having delicious chocolate ice cream almost every night after dinner. Go for it. (I'll address this in my next point) But be sure to have moderation. If it's hard for you to stop eating the ice cream (like it is for me) then scoop out an appropriate amount into a bowl and allow yourself only that much, otherwise you'll eat the whole carton and then you're family is mad at you. Trust me, I know from experience :] Along with moderation comes exercise! I personally really enjoy exercising, when I'm not exhausted from my day. And I'm not talkin' weights and running four miles or any intense training. But set aside at least one day a week where you run around your neighborhood park, or do twenty pushups. Or the old take the stairs instead of the elevator trick! Anything to get your heart pumping more than usual, your body will really thank you. I personally have the Couch to 5K app that I run to, then do thirty minutes on the elliptical and then ab-work if I can get it in. Three times a week. (of course I'm slacking of now since it's the holidays)
3. Indulge
If you've dieted, you've experience some serious self-loathing. Because I don't know any one person on a diet who hasn't broken the rules a little bit, and then you feel like shit afterwards. So, don't diet. Eat healthily and be conscious, but if you have a craving then give your body what it wants! Cravings are your body telling you that you're missing something. Also, sometimes you just want to have a damn cookie. Or five. So know that you are going to break the rules and you are going to over eat, but that doesn't make you a fat pig or weak or stupid or uncommitted or any of the slue of horrible things I know you've called yourself, because I've called myself that too. Let yourself be imperfect.
4. Moderation in everything, even moderation
In high school, it can be terrifying not to stick to the status quo. You're supposed to laugh this loud and in this cute way. Don't get too excited when the boy you like texts you. Don't get pissed when a guy makes a feminist joke. Fuck that. Don't live in a constant state of moderation. I see inspirational quotes like "I dare you to not wear make up today. To cry it all out. To speak your mind in class. To be 100% you. Just for one day" Fuck that too! Be 100% you every single day! Cuss, as I so often do, because sometimes "Fuck my balls, holy shit buckets! FFFUUUCCCKKKKK!!! Is just the only saying that's appropriate. Dance in class! I tend to do this very often, and I probably look like an idiot, but the hell cares! I'm having a blast, my friends are having a blast, and my teacher is playing some good ass music so let's dance! And please, for the love of God, laugh. Laugh your real laugh too, because I know every single one of us has our public laugh, and our real laugh. Now, you don't need to whip out your real laugh to humor the semi-creepy substitute in your English class. But if something is just fucking hilarious, then laugh! And most importantly, love. Love without moderation. Because, even if you get all the fight beaten out of you and your heart ripped out, those things come back, and can be repaired. But if you truly loved the scumbag who hurt you, then your soul will forever be marked with all of that love. Love without the fear of the end. Love your best friend, love your parents! Love your pets and your clothes and you siblings and your books and your music and your tv shows! Love your teachers and the people walking the same hall as you because they're going through the exact same shit as you are. But above all things, love yourself with absolute no fucking moderation. Wear clothes you love yourself in, regardless of what anyone will think of you. Moderation, especially in moderation.
5. Have perspective
This will help with so many things. It will help you remember that these four years of your life are almost over, because it's only four years. And that your homework load really isn't that bad, compared to the fact that children are born orphaned and with AIDS in Africa. And if that perspective is too overused, look around your hallways. There are kids who have so much shit going on, homework doesn't even cross their minds. Our homework is helping us get into college, some kids are focussing on their job applications to the local auto-shop while we focus on our applications to college. And have perspective for the bitch who makes fun of people. What horrible self-confidence issues must she have that she has to put others down for answering a question right? I'm not saying that makes it excusable, but it'll help you not to hate her. Because hating hurts your soul and your own self-love. I believe that you must love yourself before you can love others, but I also believe that loving others helps you love yourself.
6. Write it out
Or draw it out, or talk it out, or dance it out, or yell it out, or sing it out, or photograph it out, or compose it out. Whatever you have to do get rid of your frustration and sadness and hurt and joy and excitement. If you're feeling something so powerfully that you just can't imagine holding it in any longer, then don't. Tell someone about it, or write a play about it or call your friend about it. But don't keep it in. Because harboring bad emotions only lets them fester and seem absolutely insurmountable. And harboring good emotions just isn't any fun!
7. Aim for your own perfection
This includes understanding that perfection doesn't exist. That you're own perfection is whatever makes you entirely you. Don't' compare yourself to super models or actresses or your friends. If you're inspired by someone's style then go for it, immolate them and take advice. But never try to exactly copy. You can always put your own twist on anything. From fashion to eating habits to qualities you admire. Borrow, but don't try to replicate. Because that's impossible, everyone is the same in that they're unique, and I realize the hypocrisy behind that statement. But since everyone is unique, you can't replicate anyone else.
8. Wait
Understand that the boys in high school, are just that. Boys. Little boys trying to be men. But most of them are egotistical and rude and have absolutely no idea how to treat girls. And that's okay. They'll learn. But we deserve men. We've matured faster than they have and our needs, both physical and emotional, can't be met by boys. If you're lucky enough to have found a man in high school, then I applaud you. There seem to be none at my own school though. So hold out for that guy who sends shivers down your spine. The one who holds the door for you and still expects you to pay for dinner every once in a while. The one who can look at you and make you laugh your head off, or can look at you and make you want to tear his clothes off. Wait for the guy who doesn't play games. Who has a wonderful relationship with his mom but doesn't expect you to be her. But above all, wait for the guy who doesn't expect you to need him and who doesn't need you. I know it's not that romantic, but if you ever find yourself needing a man, then you're in trouble. The whole point of this post is to have self-love and not pull your self-worth from others. So wait for the man who understands this. Who loves you more than life itself but will still go on living if you leave him, and who expects you to go on living as well. And while you're doing all this waiting, because I'm sure it's going to take a while, work on loving yourself. Make yourself into someone who also deserves him. Because he can't be the only one stepping up to the plate if you truly want a beautiful and long lasting relationship.
9. Be patient
You're going to be waiting for a lot of things in life. College acceptance letters, job offers, the right man, nine months for a baby, the right house, the right tree at Christmas, the line at Forever 21 on Black Friday. It's easy to get frustrated and caught up in all the waiting. But just relax, breathe, and be patient. Tell yourself that whatever it is you're waiting for will come, because it will if you've taken the right steps. By being patient you weed out whole lot of stress from your life. So be patient while you wait for all the wonderful things that are coming in your life. And while you're waiting, relish in all the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now.
10. Let yourself feel
As teenage girls, we have a ton of hormones pumping through our body at any given time. We are told to cover up the emotions brought on by these hormones so we don't seem like a "crazy hormonal girl". I have to pull out another fuck that right here. If you're hurt, then you get to fucking cry. If you're excited, then you get to that silly little dance and squeal at the most annoying decibel you can manage. You go crazy with your emotions! Because it makes you know you're human. I'm not saying go crying to the nearest acquaintance when you break a nail. But the deep emotions, the ones that make people uncomfortable, you run to your mom or your friend or your dog or your sister or your blog or whoever and whatever it is in your life that will listen. You spill all your shit onto them so they can go through it with you and help you out of the mud at the end. Do not be afraid to let yourself feel because it makes you seem weak or silly or stupid or cliche or dramatic or whatever. You feel everything all the time. Feel things deeply and let others know you feel. Because human beings weren't meant to be emotionless robots just so the other little robots won't feel uncomfortable. We are hardwired for hurt and happiness, and we get to feel every single emotion the life throws our way.
Okay!! That's all I have for ya tonight. I have a ton more ideas but it's one in the morning and I have school in the morning! I hope this helps you on your self-love journey, and I'll keep updating the list :]
Also! I totally forgot about hairography this week so you'll get two different hairstyles next week! My bad.
Good night my loves!
xxo taylor
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